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[ It's really hard to stop once they get started.
And nearly twenty minutes later they finally do stop. She reaches up to kiss him again still, biting at his lower lip as she curls in against him. They're going to be late if she doesn't move soon. ]
Was that enough time to wake up?
And nearly twenty minutes later they finally do stop. She reaches up to kiss him again still, biting at his lower lip as she curls in against him. They're going to be late if she doesn't move soon. ]
Was that enough time to wake up?
[ They're curled against each other now, all clothing tossed to the side. Nikolai smooths his hand along her skin, feeling its heat. Laughing, he leans in to kiss her again, softly, and then he nods. He still hasn't leaned away. ]
I suppose it was. I'd say we should stay for longer, but I suppose we shouldn't be indulgent.
[ he brings his hand up to lay his fingers against her cheek. ]
I'm going to need to shower, you know.
I suppose it was. I'd say we should stay for longer, but I suppose we shouldn't be indulgent.
[ he brings his hand up to lay his fingers against her cheek. ]
I'm going to need to shower, you know.
FROM: fray.clary@cdc.org
I'll be over in a minute.
[ It doesn't take her long to pull her jacket around herself, to shove her stele in her pockets and leave her sketch pad in her bunk. Then she's out of her rover and making her way to his. She doesn't knock because she's already told him she's coming, just pokes her head in to find him. ]
Hey. [ It's soft, cautious but still very much full of her usual friendly concern. ]
I'll be over in a minute.
[ It doesn't take her long to pull her jacket around herself, to shove her stele in her pockets and leave her sketch pad in her bunk. Then she's out of her rover and making her way to his. She doesn't knock because she's already told him she's coming, just pokes her head in to find him. ]
Hey. [ It's soft, cautious but still very much full of her usual friendly concern. ]
[ Affording his friend a dirty look. ]
I wouldn't call it luck.
I wouldn't call it luck.
[ When he answers the door, he doesn't look much different. He's not wearing his coat, but after all he's inside. He opens the door and lets her in, before stepping back. Korol is conspicuous in his absence, the fact of which also impacts on Sturmhond's mood.
His face is a mask, though lacking its usual easy smile. ]
Hello, Clary. Come in. Make yourself at home.
His face is a mask, though lacking its usual easy smile. ]
Hello, Clary. Come in. Make yourself at home.
[ Why is he your friend again? ]
Of course you would think that. I believe you rather enjoy chaos.
Of course you would think that. I believe you rather enjoy chaos.
Hmm.
[ He drums his fingers, thinking about that. In the end, his answer is a little slice of honesty. You'll probably want to write it down somewhere to remember the moment. ]
I think I enjoy finding the order in it. I'm fond of fixing things. True chaos is nothing short of a challenge, I'm afraid.
[ He drums his fingers, thinking about that. In the end, his answer is a little slice of honesty. You'll probably want to write it down somewhere to remember the moment. ]
I think I enjoy finding the order in it. I'm fond of fixing things. True chaos is nothing short of a challenge, I'm afraid.
[ If only he already had his journal ... ]
That makes sense. You have taken to finding the order in our chaos here. [ Looking after the whole rover for one. ]
That makes sense. You have taken to finding the order in our chaos here. [ Looking after the whole rover for one. ]
Badasses don't hug or something. [ But she's moving in immediately, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing close. She'd claim it was an accident but her ear is right next to his heart and it's reassuring to hear it beat away. ]
I'm sorry. This place really sucks.
I'm sorry. This place really sucks.
FROM: kaburagi.kotetsu@cdc.org
huh. i guess theres no missing numbers then...
FROM: kaburagi.kotetsu@cdc.org
wait
FROM: kaburagi.kotetsu@cdc.org
tess is telling me her numbers have two extra. why would there be extra???
[ There's a light sheen of sweat on both of them now, Alina very warm now compared to how she was earlier. Not that she was cold, but she's definitely warmer now.
She makes a deep groan as she burrows against him, hand coming up to touch his on her cheek. ]
You should go take one. [ Even if she doesn't want to let him go right now. ]
We can't keep Banagher waiting too long. [ She kisses his chest lightly and nuzzles against him. How is she supposed to get back to work now? ]
She makes a deep groan as she burrows against him, hand coming up to touch his on her cheek. ]
You should go take one. [ Even if she doesn't want to let him go right now. ]
We can't keep Banagher waiting too long. [ She kisses his chest lightly and nuzzles against him. How is she supposed to get back to work now? ]
I made my choice for this, though. I said yes to their recruit. I'm not your responsibility here.
[ She doesn't want to be his burden. She wants to support him. she wants them to support each other.
She was wrong. She shouldn't defend him and he shouldn't defend her. Neither was more important than the other. They needed each other. They would work together, not one of them vying to protect the other over their own life.
She kisses him gently as he kisses her cheek, trying to bring him some comfort. ]
So am I. Maybe we're both selfish?
But I don't think I could have done this without you... I couldn't have survived.
[ She doesn't want to be his burden. She wants to support him. she wants them to support each other.
She was wrong. She shouldn't defend him and he shouldn't defend her. Neither was more important than the other. They needed each other. They would work together, not one of them vying to protect the other over their own life.
She kisses him gently as he kisses her cheek, trying to bring him some comfort. ]
So am I. Maybe we're both selfish?
But I don't think I could have done this without you... I couldn't have survived.
[ Nikolai shakes his head at that. ]
You are always my responsibility. You’re my friend.
[ Yet as soon as he says that, Nikolai realises that it’s wrong. He’d spent a fair lot of time wondering if Alina really was his friend, or if they were still just allies. He doesn’t tend to trust much to his feelings. Everything is based on logic and reason. But after wondering whether he could truly count her as a friend, he now realises that the word isn’t nearly enough. Not for what she’s come to mean to him here. His hands trail down to hers, and take them. ]
You’re more than that. You could have survived without me, Alina. You never needed me to make you strong. It was always me who needed you. In Ravka, as well.
[ He’d needed her to strengthen his claim to the throne. He’d needed her to help him rally the people, to give them hope against the Darkling. He had needed her far more than she’d ever needed him. That, perhaps, had been the problem. He would never have sought her out if he hadn’t needed her. So how could she ever trust him?
If he’d never sought her out, he would have been poorer for it. He finds himself leaning instinctively into her kiss, and drawing her closer into his arms. ]
I still do. Just not in the way I expected. I never expected to care so much for you.
[ Alina looks up at him as he talks, trying to listen to what he's saying.
She's never really thought of all of this from his side of things. She's considered his position and his thoughts on everything, but not really how he feels about any of it.
He's always needed her. She's known this since they first met. But that didn't start with him. Ravka has needed her ever since she learned she could summon sunlight. The Darkling had needed her. The King has needed her. Nikolai has needed her. It's been part of why she fears getting close to anyone. Her life wasn't defined by friendship anymore, it was defined by alliances. By political power using her physical power.
Nikolai was a part of that political power. Not by choice, but that didn't make him any less a part of it. And she knows deep down that if she wasn't a sun summoner the two of them would have never met.
She couldn't hold that against him, though. Life had a way of bringing people together, even if it was just because they worked in the army together. This was just the way that life had chosen to bring them together. And truth be told, he had stopped being her ally a long time ago. He was her friend before they'd even come here. He was more to her now. Nikolai wasn't so lucky, though. He had more to consider. More to think about than she did. He had duty that had made his emotions inconsequential.
And yet he said that to her now. He wasn't just talking about how he needed her power, but how he needed her because he cared about her.
She leaned into his touch, curling in his arms and pressing her forehead to his as she stroked his cheek. ]
I care about you, too. [ She answered him softly. ] As far more than a friend. You've been more than a friend to me for... for a long time now.
I think I'm falling for you, Nikolai. I think I have been for awhile...
She's never really thought of all of this from his side of things. She's considered his position and his thoughts on everything, but not really how he feels about any of it.
He's always needed her. She's known this since they first met. But that didn't start with him. Ravka has needed her ever since she learned she could summon sunlight. The Darkling had needed her. The King has needed her. Nikolai has needed her. It's been part of why she fears getting close to anyone. Her life wasn't defined by friendship anymore, it was defined by alliances. By political power using her physical power.
Nikolai was a part of that political power. Not by choice, but that didn't make him any less a part of it. And she knows deep down that if she wasn't a sun summoner the two of them would have never met.
She couldn't hold that against him, though. Life had a way of bringing people together, even if it was just because they worked in the army together. This was just the way that life had chosen to bring them together. And truth be told, he had stopped being her ally a long time ago. He was her friend before they'd even come here. He was more to her now. Nikolai wasn't so lucky, though. He had more to consider. More to think about than she did. He had duty that had made his emotions inconsequential.
And yet he said that to her now. He wasn't just talking about how he needed her power, but how he needed her because he cared about her.
She leaned into his touch, curling in his arms and pressing her forehead to his as she stroked his cheek. ]
I care about you, too. [ She answered him softly. ] As far more than a friend. You've been more than a friend to me for... for a long time now.
I think I'm falling for you, Nikolai. I think I have been for awhile...
Hmm.
[ He reaches up, brushing a stray blonde strand back from her face. He tucks it behind her ear and smiles at her. She looks comfortable and warm now, her skin flushed. He’s unable to keep from leaning in, kissing at her again. ]
You could always join me. [ He lifts a brow. ] You did say there was no one else here. How would they ever know?
[ He lets her, and pulls her into an embrace. Much as he wishes it wasn’t, it is actually comforting. Which isn’t helpful, since he doesn’t want to give the impression that he’s in need of comfort at all.
He draws back after a moment. ]
Orders are orders. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of obeying them, whether they’re pleasant or not.
FROM: kaburagi.kotetsu@cdc.org
lydia didnt say but im asking her if 1 and 0 are the numbers shes looking for. cause if they are...
[ why would the numbers be split up like that? ]
[ Falling for him. Nikolai watches her eyes while she says that. The thing is, Nikolai has always treated that sort of sentiment with scepticism. He remembers when they met, how casually he had told her that many women dreamed of him, how easy it is to be confident and flamboyant. And also, for Nikolai, how easy it is to be charming and flirtatious and kind. His feelings have been used as little more than a guise, and he slides easily from one mask to another. It’s not that he doesn’t let himself feel. He does feel. It’s just that his emotions never control him, never rule him. He doesn’t rely on them. It’s why he can seem friendly one moment, and ruthless the next. He doesn’t let himself be overcome, he’s trained himself out of that.
Could he love Alina? He asks himself the question now. He had always been taught that love didn’t matter. After all, he has to marry for alliance. Love, if anything, would only get in the way. But he does care about her.
The things is, the rest is also true. He still needs her alliance. He still needs her help. It will never be as simple as a man and a woman feeling for each other, and he knows that’s how she would like it to be. That’s what she deserves, and he can never give that to her. There will never be a selflessness to his feelings for her, because his duty to his country will always sit between them.
But all that aside, could he love her?
Maybe. He’s not sure if he does. He’s not sure if he could truly admit it to himself even if he did, but he thinks it’s the closest he’s ever come.
He touches her face, strokes his fingers down to her chin and lifts it up, so that her eyes can meet his. ]
I would like us to have a chance, Alina. I don’t want us to stop here. I want to go down this road with you and see where it takes us.
I want to make you happy. Once I asked you to be my wife. Asking that was thoughtless, then. I don’t just want to be your ally. I want to be with you. If you’re falling for me, I’d like to fall with you.
[ That sounds ridiculous. And charming, and trite, and none of those are how he wants to sound. He’s surprised to find that he means it. That’s a new experience. ]
If you’ll give me the chance.
[ She's not foolish enough to fall without thinking. Actually, if anything she's resisted him more than she might have were he anyone else.
Because the truth is, her falling for him is advantageous to him. And whether he's falling for her or fallen or come anywhere close, she knows that he'd marry her regardless. Because she's useful. She's another strength to his claim of the crown. She's a way to unite their land in a way it's never been before.
She fears that, in part. She fears it because she's afraid Nikolai will use it against her. That he'll use her love of him to get what is best for the country and what has nothing to do with his true emotions. She fears marrying and loving a man who doesn't love her back.
But she's come to trust Nikolai, too. He's earned her trust the long way. He's done everything he can possibly do for her. He's been honest and real with her in a way he's not with others. So he doesn't exactly say he's falling for her. Or has fallen. Or that he's in love with her too.
But he wants to be. He wants to continue on a path they're already on and see if it can go to it's fullest. He doesn't want to be just her ally, he wants to be with her.
She looks in his eyes as he confesses all this to her, pressed in close against him with no space between them. She doesn't want space. She doesn't need space anymore. Every one is falling away from her already that she can't let Nikolai slip from her too.
She closes her eyes and nudges his nose lightly with her own as her arms close around him. ]
I'd like that. [ She says, softly. ] I'd like to see this through... I'd like to see where this takes us. [ Because if she is falling in love with him, then she's not sure she can let him go. ]
Because the truth is, her falling for him is advantageous to him. And whether he's falling for her or fallen or come anywhere close, she knows that he'd marry her regardless. Because she's useful. She's another strength to his claim of the crown. She's a way to unite their land in a way it's never been before.
She fears that, in part. She fears it because she's afraid Nikolai will use it against her. That he'll use her love of him to get what is best for the country and what has nothing to do with his true emotions. She fears marrying and loving a man who doesn't love her back.
But she's come to trust Nikolai, too. He's earned her trust the long way. He's done everything he can possibly do for her. He's been honest and real with her in a way he's not with others. So he doesn't exactly say he's falling for her. Or has fallen. Or that he's in love with her too.
But he wants to be. He wants to continue on a path they're already on and see if it can go to it's fullest. He doesn't want to be just her ally, he wants to be with her.
She looks in his eyes as he confesses all this to her, pressed in close against him with no space between them. She doesn't want space. She doesn't need space anymore. Every one is falling away from her already that she can't let Nikolai slip from her too.
She closes her eyes and nudges his nose lightly with her own as her arms close around him. ]
I'd like that. [ She says, softly. ] I'd like to see this through... I'd like to see where this takes us. [ Because if she is falling in love with him, then she's not sure she can let him go. ]
[ She just rubs at his back until he pulls back, green eyes fixing on his face, her brows pulled down into a small frown. She'd honestly thought that if anyone were to face forced murder it would be her and her band of murdering men on red. Not him, and not blue. ]
They shouldn't make stuff like that an order. It doesn't achieve anything. [ Dead recruits doesn't make much sense to her. If she has to think like the CDC than if anything, it's a waste. ]
They shouldn't make stuff like that an order. It doesn't achieve anything. [ Dead recruits doesn't make much sense to her. If she has to think like the CDC than if anything, it's a waste. ]
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