[ She's not foolish enough to fall without thinking. Actually, if anything she's resisted him more than she might have were he anyone else.
Because the truth is, her falling for him is advantageous to him. And whether he's falling for her or fallen or come anywhere close, she knows that he'd marry her regardless. Because she's useful. She's another strength to his claim of the crown. She's a way to unite their land in a way it's never been before.
She fears that, in part. She fears it because she's afraid Nikolai will use it against her. That he'll use her love of him to get what is best for the country and what has nothing to do with his true emotions. She fears marrying and loving a man who doesn't love her back.
But she's come to trust Nikolai, too. He's earned her trust the long way. He's done everything he can possibly do for her. He's been honest and real with her in a way he's not with others. So he doesn't exactly say he's falling for her. Or has fallen. Or that he's in love with her too.
But he wants to be. He wants to continue on a path they're already on and see if it can go to it's fullest. He doesn't want to be just her ally, he wants to be with her.
She looks in his eyes as he confesses all this to her, pressed in close against him with no space between them. She doesn't want space. She doesn't need space anymore. Every one is falling away from her already that she can't let Nikolai slip from her too.
She closes her eyes and nudges his nose lightly with her own as her arms close around him. ]
I'd like that. [ She says, softly. ] I'd like to see this through... I'd like to see where this takes us. [ Because if she is falling in love with him, then she's not sure she can let him go. ]
[ He watches her eyes very closely while she thinks about it. While she decides.
Eventually, it seems, the news is good. Far from pulling away, she's pushing in closer to him. Nikolai moves his arms around her, pulling her in flat against his body, and tilting his head to nudge at her lips.. ]
Closer together, I hope. Alina...
[ He doesn't finish. Instead, he closes the very small distance between their lips and kisses her. This is smooth and deep, his tongue flicking out to taste hers, while his hands splay over her back.He has a lot of pent up feeling - grief, for Barnaby, guilt for what he's done, longing for Alina, and guilt that he's feeling the longing at all at a time like this. He pushes all of that into his kiss, letting it drive him on. ]
[ He really doesn't have to say more. She knows how he feels now. She knows what he hopes for.
She hopes for the same things. She wants these things with him. She wants to be close to him. To love him. To be loved by him in his own way. She wants him.
And she wants to forget everything else. She wants to leave behind the grief that's consumed her for days now. She wants to leave behind the fears that she's becoming the monster she swore to defeat. She wants to forget all of that and focus on the last remaining good in her life. The one thing she has hope for still. Them.
She leans into his kiss, deepening it easily. Her tongue brushes against him and she sighs as she breathes in his scent. She moves closer to him still, sliding in against him as his hands splay across her back. He kisses her harder and she returns his kiss with as much intensity, kissing him deeply until all she knows his him anymore. ]
[ She presses in, and Nikolai feels her body lining up with his. All the pressure, all the upset and grief of the last few days, seems to flood away in this. He’s kissing her deeply and passionately and she’s returning every inch of it, kissing him back and encouraging him rather than sending him away.
Their lips part for the barest moment while Nikolai breathes, and then he’s kissing her again. His teeth graze her lower lip and his hands move eagerly over her back, smoothing and touching her. A sudden thought occurs, that he wishes there were not so many layers between them, and then he catches himself. He breaks away, eyes wide and staring at her, because he knows how easy it would be to just not stop.
And he knows that’s what he wants. He wants to take her to his bed, to guide her to it and kiss her and touch her and peel the layers away and not stop, not stop at all. Nikolai wets his lips and meets her eyes. ]
Alina?
[ Is this what she wants? Because if it’s not, they’ll need to get a hold of themselves sooner rather than later. ]
[ She's falling deeper into him, getting lost him until all that's left is him and her.
It's exactly at that moment that he breaks away.
Alina stares up at him with wide, wild eyes of her own. Her breathing is heavy and her cheeks are flushed. Her fingers are pressed into his back and they instinctively loosen as he leans away from her, waiting to let him go if he chose to go.
She didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay right where he was, pressed against her and kissing her and touching her. She wanted more than that. Her heart was pounding in her chest. ]
He doesn't really need more than that. He's breathing hard, his body feeling warm for the first time in days. His hand comes up, threading through her hair, pushing it back from her face and neck. He wets his lips, and letting out a breath, he nods.
Then he's back against her again, kissing her. Licking his way into her mouth and tasting her, relishing the feeling of her against him. This time, when his hands find the edge of her coat he slips them beneath it, getting closer to her skin. Gently, he moves back. His bunk is behind them, and his hands find her waist to lift her up, and set her on it. Then he's pressing even closer. If this is what she wants, he's in no mood to resist. ]
no subject
Because the truth is, her falling for him is advantageous to him. And whether he's falling for her or fallen or come anywhere close, she knows that he'd marry her regardless. Because she's useful. She's another strength to his claim of the crown. She's a way to unite their land in a way it's never been before.
She fears that, in part. She fears it because she's afraid Nikolai will use it against her. That he'll use her love of him to get what is best for the country and what has nothing to do with his true emotions. She fears marrying and loving a man who doesn't love her back.
But she's come to trust Nikolai, too. He's earned her trust the long way. He's done everything he can possibly do for her. He's been honest and real with her in a way he's not with others. So he doesn't exactly say he's falling for her. Or has fallen. Or that he's in love with her too.
But he wants to be. He wants to continue on a path they're already on and see if it can go to it's fullest. He doesn't want to be just her ally, he wants to be with her.
She looks in his eyes as he confesses all this to her, pressed in close against him with no space between them. She doesn't want space. She doesn't need space anymore. Every one is falling away from her already that she can't let Nikolai slip from her too.
She closes her eyes and nudges his nose lightly with her own as her arms close around him. ]
I'd like that. [ She says, softly. ] I'd like to see this through... I'd like to see where this takes us. [ Because if she is falling in love with him, then she's not sure she can let him go. ]
no subject
Eventually, it seems, the news is good. Far from pulling away, she's pushing in closer to him. Nikolai moves his arms around her, pulling her in flat against his body, and tilting his head to nudge at her lips.. ]
Closer together, I hope. Alina...
[ He doesn't finish. Instead, he closes the very small distance between their lips and kisses her. This is smooth and deep, his tongue flicking out to taste hers, while his hands splay over her back.He has a lot of pent up feeling - grief, for Barnaby, guilt for what he's done, longing for Alina, and guilt that he's feeling the longing at all at a time like this. He pushes all of that into his kiss, letting it drive him on. ]
no subject
She hopes for the same things. She wants these things with him. She wants to be close to him. To love him. To be loved by him in his own way. She wants him.
And she wants to forget everything else. She wants to leave behind the grief that's consumed her for days now. She wants to leave behind the fears that she's becoming the monster she swore to defeat. She wants to forget all of that and focus on the last remaining good in her life. The one thing she has hope for still. Them.
She leans into his kiss, deepening it easily. Her tongue brushes against him and she sighs as she breathes in his scent. She moves closer to him still, sliding in against him as his hands splay across her back. He kisses her harder and she returns his kiss with as much intensity, kissing him deeply until all she knows his him anymore. ]
no subject
Their lips part for the barest moment while Nikolai breathes, and then he’s kissing her again. His teeth graze her lower lip and his hands move eagerly over her back, smoothing and touching her. A sudden thought occurs, that he wishes there were not so many layers between them, and then he catches himself. He breaks away, eyes wide and staring at her, because he knows how easy it would be to just not stop.
And he knows that’s what he wants. He wants to take her to his bed, to guide her to it and kiss her and touch her and peel the layers away and not stop, not stop at all. Nikolai wets his lips and meets her eyes. ]
Alina?
[ Is this what she wants? Because if it’s not, they’ll need to get a hold of themselves sooner rather than later. ]
no subject
It's exactly at that moment that he breaks away.
Alina stares up at him with wide, wild eyes of her own. Her breathing is heavy and her cheeks are flushed. Her fingers are pressed into his back and they instinctively loosen as he leans away from her, waiting to let him go if he chose to go.
She didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay right where he was, pressed against her and kissing her and touching her. She wanted more than that. Her heart was pounding in her chest. ]
Nikolai.... we...
Please? [ She finally settles on softly ]
no subject
He doesn't really need more than that. He's breathing hard, his body feeling warm for the first time in days. His hand comes up, threading through her hair, pushing it back from her face and neck. He wets his lips, and letting out a breath, he nods.
Then he's back against her again, kissing her. Licking his way into her mouth and tasting her, relishing the feeling of her against him. This time, when his hands find the edge of her coat he slips them beneath it, getting closer to her skin. Gently, he moves back. His bunk is behind them, and his hands find her waist to lift her up, and set her on it. Then he's pressing even closer. If this is what she wants, he's in no mood to resist. ]
no subject