[ She just rubs at his back until he pulls back, green eyes fixing on his face, her brows pulled down into a small frown. She'd honestly thought that if anyone were to face forced murder it would be her and her band of murdering men on red. Not him, and not blue. ]
They shouldn't make stuff like that an order. It doesn't achieve anything. [ Dead recruits doesn't make much sense to her. If she has to think like the CDC than if anything, it's a waste. ]
[ His expression doesn't change. His hands come around to fold in front of him, the picture of calm. ]
It achieves a great deal. Sometimes sacrifices are necessary for the good of the mission, Clary. They have to know that we'll obey orders without question, even if the orders are unpleasant. I have had to make difficult choices before. I'm not surprised that the same was required here.
[ She immediately lets her anger go, moving to sit at the edge of his bunk and staring up at him. ]
Okay. [ Because Sturmhond is smarter than she is, she thinks, and because he's hurting. So she doesn't fight. ] It's times like this I wish we had video games here. I know all about avoiding emotional problems through Mario Kart. I could teach you.
[ He prevents himself from sighing, and moves a smile onto his face. He shouldn't have let her come, but he can't behave as though anything is wrong, either. ]
I should be deeply offended that you think I'm avoiding anything. I do recommend you take precaution, though. Are you close to anyone from Blue Team, aside from me?
Not really. I know some blues but we're not exactly close. [ She watches him while trying not to look like she's examining his features. Clary seems to pick the same type of people to hang around and right now his expression reminds her of Jace and how often he masks himself up with righteous fire to hide whatever pain he's feeling. ]
I'll be fine. [ She's not sure she'd actually let someone kill her now. Not with the White Book in her possession. ] You look like hell, Sturmhond. [ It's sympathetic instead of insulting. ] I can go. I just wanted to see you first. You never know with these things.
[ She imagines the CDC could pretend to be texting as him if they wanted. ]
I'm not here to coddle you. [ The corners of her mouth twist down a little. ] And I mean, you look fine, physically. But I --. [ She wants to say I know you. He's the one who's looked out for her the most, who's trained her in how to protect herself, who made her be stronger. And Clary trusts him, she does. He's helped her in so many ways.
Right now she just doesn't know how to help him back. ] You're right, you're fine. I'm sorry. I know it's different for you.
[ Different for him than for her, she means. He wonders if that ought to sting. It does, a little. He knows it shouldn't. He leans back against the side of the bunks. ]
It is what it is.
Why did you want to see me, Clary? If it wasn't about coddling.
[ She sighs and stands up, curving her arms around her body and looking at him out of the corner of her eye. ]
They want us to fall in line, right? Who says they can't hijack the black glass? I just wanted to be sure. I needed to know that you were you. And now I do, and I can go. [ She pauses. ] I'm sorry I don't know how to help you. I wish I did.
[ He looks at her for a moment, not really reacting. She'd thought they were pretending to be him. She really thinks there's a chance they would do that.
Is he so sure that they wouldn't?
Sturmhond lets out a breath, softening a little. ]
I don't want help, Clary.
[ He doesn't think he deserves it, for a start. But he also doesn't want to show that manner of weakness. He thinks this is something he has to bear alone. That's the nature of the task. It wasn't given because it was easy. ]
Yeah. [ She gets that, she does. She still wishes it could be different though, that she could have a rune that would make everything better. There isn't though so she just gives him a soft smile. ]
I'll see you around. I'd say don't do anything I wouldn't do but that's like ninety percent of the things you do, so.
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They shouldn't make stuff like that an order. It doesn't achieve anything. [ Dead recruits doesn't make much sense to her. If she has to think like the CDC than if anything, it's a waste. ]
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It achieves a great deal. Sometimes sacrifices are necessary for the good of the mission, Clary. They have to know that we'll obey orders without question, even if the orders are unpleasant. I have had to make difficult choices before. I'm not surprised that the same was required here.
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Just say the word and I'll punch the Instructors in the face for you.
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[ He doesn't need or want her indignation. If anything, he needs her to be the opposite of this. ]
It was a mission. It's done. I'm not angry with them, and nor should you be. We all have our orders to obey.
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Okay. [ Because Sturmhond is smarter than she is, she thinks, and because he's hurting. So she doesn't fight. ] It's times like this I wish we had video games here. I know all about avoiding emotional problems through Mario Kart. I could teach you.
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I should be deeply offended that you think I'm avoiding anything. I do recommend you take precaution, though. Are you close to anyone from Blue Team, aside from me?
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I'll be fine. [ She's not sure she'd actually let someone kill her now. Not with the White Book in her possession. ] You look like hell, Sturmhond. [ It's sympathetic instead of insulting. ] I can go. I just wanted to see you first. You never know with these things.
[ She imagines the CDC could pretend to be texting as him if they wanted. ]
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[ That's a surprise. His hair is brushed, his clothes are neat and pressed. He lifts a brow at her. ]
Your definition of that must be different from mine.
[ Tilting his head, he comes to lean against the bed beside her. ]
Would you find it easier if I were crying? I'm quite well, actually. I don't need coddling, if that's what you think.
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Right now she just doesn't know how to help him back. ] You're right, you're fine. I'm sorry. I know it's different for you.
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It is what it is.
Why did you want to see me, Clary? If it wasn't about coddling.
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They want us to fall in line, right? Who says they can't hijack the black glass? I just wanted to be sure. I needed to know that you were you. And now I do, and I can go. [ She pauses. ] I'm sorry I don't know how to help you. I wish I did.
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Is he so sure that they wouldn't?
Sturmhond lets out a breath, softening a little. ]
I don't want help, Clary.
[ He doesn't think he deserves it, for a start. But he also doesn't want to show that manner of weakness. He thinks this is something he has to bear alone. That's the nature of the task. It wasn't given because it was easy. ]
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I'll see you around. I'd say don't do anything I wouldn't do but that's like ninety percent of the things you do, so.
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[ And away from members of Blue team, if at all possible. ]
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[ It's easy to let herself out and move away from his rover. She'll find him again later when the sting of what happened isn't so sharp. ]