Oh, I know. Few people are singularly good or evil, though I wonder how much our Instructors would care about the difference. They need to get their job done.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
I can sympathise.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
Rebellion costs more than you'd be willing to pay here. You must know that.
[Luke, for once, manages to stop himself before he says something regrettable. Something about the difference between punishment and torture. How would he know? He didn't undergo it.]
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
If you say so.
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
It seemed harsher than it needed to be. The Empire was good at that too
[ That is not what he expected to hear. It's surprising enough to make him hesitate, and then he actually thinks about what Luke is saying. ]
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
They tortured you until you begged.
Was it mercy? Or did you give them what they wanted?
[ He actually isn't judging, When the torture is bad enough, people do beg. He's seen it before. That doesn't mean the person who begs is weak. Everyone has a breaking point. Some are unlucky enough to have it exposed, that's all. ]
[And while Luke doesn't think of himself as humble, he personally feels no shame over what transpired. If Sturmhond is judging him, that's his cause; it doesn't bother Luke.]
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Like I said it's complicated
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
The Emperor's first in command was my father. I wouldn't give in and I guess he didn't want to watch me die
Sturmhond I let myself get caught because it was the only way to save him
[Which is, Luke is distantly aware, a terribly manipulative thing to say, but it's important to him that he make his situation clear. Sturmhond is the first person he's told this story to; he wants him, and whatever CDC operative that will eventually read this transcript, to understand the details.]
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Like I said my situation was very unusual. I don't think it applies here.
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I shouldn't bother you with it anyway. You know best
We all have our reasons for being here. Disparate as they are.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
If this is what I must do in order to see it through, then I'll do it. I won't enjoy it, but I assure you. I'll be fine. I will always be fine.
[ Because he will make himself be. They aren't going to break his spirit, and he's not going to lose his emotional control just because they cause him pain. Pain is temporary; he can deal with that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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When I was little I'd hear stories about The Empire forcefully conscripting soldiers. They tortured people and exploded planets
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Empire Day was very bitter for a lot of people
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I see.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
So you feel right at home, then.
[ Saints, Luke. Please don't do anything stupid. ]
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No. I grew up on a desert planet
[HA JOKE IT'S A JOKE it's a terrible joke]
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go on a tirade. It's just something I've been thinking about lately
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I'm glad you're feeling better. That is what I really wanted to say
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FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
That would involve too much sand for my liking. That explains why you can’t swim, then? It’s a shame, there’s nothing better than the water.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
I don’t blame you for being angry. You didn’t know what you’d signed up for here, did you?
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That's what my uncle used to say. He was a moisture farmer.
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I'm not angry. I'm disappointed to see there are people like this all over
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Yes I was tricked into being here. Were you?
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No. But I should have been.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
You're a better man than I am, Luke. Do yourself a favour, and never let them see it.
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I think it's too late for that. And even if it wasn't they must know I fought for the rebellion before I came here. They're not stupid
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I don't know about better. It doesn't matter how much good someone has in them just that they have any. You do Sturmhond. We all do
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Even our instructors
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Oh, I know. Few people are singularly good or evil, though I wonder how much our Instructors would care about the difference. They need to get their job done.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
I can sympathise.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
Rebellion costs more than you'd be willing to pay here. You must know that.
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I'm not sure I like that metaphor. If I can't afford peace what am I buying instead?
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
How much does that cost over the years living in danger and fear? Not to mention the people I care about stuck there with me
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I think it looks like a better deal than it is
[And after that little speech on the banality of evil, have some whining:]
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
But before you ask I'm not going to run off and do something dangerous. Everyone keeps thinking I'm about to do something stupid or I already have
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Well. So long as we're clear on that point.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
What about the people back home? Aren't they benefiting from the deal? You're buying more than the status quo.
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These people tricked me and many others into being here
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I don't know why everyone thinks I should trust them not to go back on their word when it suits them
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It just doesn't matter all that much, in the end. ]
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
What choice do you have, Luke?
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Exactly and they know that we don't have any other options so they don't try to gain our loyalty or trust
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There have always been punishments where performance was not what they required. They are consistent, you can trust in that.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
No one enjoys being on the wrong end of a punishment. That doesn’t mean that it was not deserved.
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FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
If you say so.
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
It seemed harsher than it needed to be. The Empire was good at that too
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But he knows better than to say so, especially over the Network. And especially today.
Instead: ]
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
I'm sure the Empire were. I'm sure that you, and your people, were on the end of that pain, as well.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
When you were, Luke. Did you ask for them to stop?
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Yes
[Er.]
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Sort of. Sometimes I begged. Other times I demanded
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
The war was a very odd time for me I don't think I had the average person's experience
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Well, what's average, really? I don't think you're much older than I am, by the look of you.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
Did they do it? When you asked.
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FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I don't mean in terms of age. But yes they did right before the end. When I begged
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FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
They tortured you until you begged.
Was it mercy? Or did you give them what they wanted?
[ He actually isn't judging, When the torture is bad enough, people do beg. He's seen it before. That doesn't mean the person who begs is weak. Everyone has a breaking point. Some are unlucky enough to have it exposed, that's all. ]
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FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Like I said it's complicated
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
The Emperor's first in command was my father. I wouldn't give in and I guess he didn't want to watch me die
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FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
Then he did what any father should. Albeit, a little late.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
But I'm afraid I haven't a father figure to whom I can appeal, today. Asking won't get me anywhere. That's not how they work, I'm afraid.
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Sturmhond I let myself get caught because it was the only way to save him
[Which is, Luke is distantly aware, a terribly manipulative thing to say, but it's important to him that he make his situation clear. Sturmhond is the first person he's told this story to; he wants him, and whatever CDC operative that will eventually read this transcript, to understand the details.]
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
Like I said my situation was very unusual. I don't think it applies here.
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I shouldn't bother you with it anyway. You know best
no subject
Then it does apply, Luke. Of course it applies.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
We all have our reasons for being here. Disparate as they are.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
If this is what I must do in order to see it through, then I'll do it. I won't enjoy it, but I assure you. I'll be fine. I will always be fine.
[ Because he will make himself be. They aren't going to break his spirit, and he's not going to lose his emotional control just because they cause him pain. Pain is temporary; he can deal with that.
There are worse things than pain. ]
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If it does then I don't know how. But it seems like you're the one who knows everything these days
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
I guess what I mean to say is this
FROM: skywalker.luke@cdc.org
You saved my life once and I'm not a Wookiee but that's important so tell me if you ever need any help being fine
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