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FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
They're historically significant?
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
I could try reading it more to maybe understand myself better, but it's got nothing of real value left.
They're historically significant?
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
I could try reading it more to maybe understand myself better, but it's got nothing of real value left.
[ He doesn't look guilty which is probably far from helping his case. Instead his expression is blank as he stares straight ahead of himself, gaze fixed pointedly to a space on the wall. ]
I'm not a fool, Nikolai. [ His tone doesn't match his features, it's worn down but still gentle. This is something he hasn't wanted to say to anyone and yet his exhaustion has worn his defences through. ] I will not make it out of this alive. I've already done too much. They have me whether I agree with it or not. So I made a deal. My allegiance so that she is spared. My servitude in her place.
It's all I can do to make sure that I at least gave meaning to something here.
I'm not a fool, Nikolai. [ His tone doesn't match his features, it's worn down but still gentle. This is something he hasn't wanted to say to anyone and yet his exhaustion has worn his defences through. ] I will not make it out of this alive. I've already done too much. They have me whether I agree with it or not. So I made a deal. My allegiance so that she is spared. My servitude in her place.
It's all I can do to make sure that I at least gave meaning to something here.
[ His silence stretches on, his head bowed heavily and his gaze on the bottle held loosely between his hands. There is a truth that he has buried so far down inside of himself that is like exhuming a tomb, something that goes against God and nature. No matter who says it, Sturmhond or Anne herself, he cannot bring himself to admit it.
No matter what he does, somebody's ghost suffers. Thomas, or the girl Anne was. He cannot win. ]
I would not be doing any of this had I not already done so. [ His rage is a quick thing where she is concerned but it always smothers itself out in his sorrow. ] I do not merely let her live, Nikolai. I do my best to ensure it. But we can never be who we were. Forgiveness or not, we will always be the blade at each other's throat.
No matter what he does, somebody's ghost suffers. Thomas, or the girl Anne was. He cannot win. ]
I would not be doing any of this had I not already done so. [ His rage is a quick thing where she is concerned but it always smothers itself out in his sorrow. ] I do not merely let her live, Nikolai. I do my best to ensure it. But we can never be who we were. Forgiveness or not, we will always be the blade at each other's throat.
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
Thaaaaaank you......
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
Do you want your thing or not?
Thaaaaaank you......
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
Do you want your thing or not?
FROM: starkov.alina@cdc.org
Now you know what a conversation with you is like.
Now you know what a conversation with you is like.
[They've done alright. Some of them worse than others, but she's kept the bag damp and the roots attached as long as she can. The huskberries do real well, she thinks they're probably going to be their best bet, but she hadn't been willing to bet it all on it.
Pretty soon she's got them unpacked into neat stacks by type, in the daylight they're a lot less impressive, but they clearly still work, as long as you cover them with the shade of your palm.]
Hell, I don't know. We got some stuff on earth that glows, but I don't know how it works there, either. Since we don't know what it is that makes them work, it's probably best to try it both ways in small batches and see which one sticks.
[She could be cautious when she needed to be. Hard to imagine she needed to be now, but she'd gotten this far with the things. Might as well go all the way.]
Pretty soon she's got them unpacked into neat stacks by type, in the daylight they're a lot less impressive, but they clearly still work, as long as you cover them with the shade of your palm.]
Hell, I don't know. We got some stuff on earth that glows, but I don't know how it works there, either. Since we don't know what it is that makes them work, it's probably best to try it both ways in small batches and see which one sticks.
[She could be cautious when she needed to be. Hard to imagine she needed to be now, but she'd gotten this far with the things. Might as well go all the way.]
[ Considering that he doesn't have a habit of accidentally setting things on fire, in theory he should be fine. Still, Barnaby is a cautious man... ]
I don't suppose that you can borrow a mage to drag around, can you?
[ Ha, ha. Jokes aside, the conundrum is something that Barnaby takes seriously. He thinks about it for a moment, though in the end he doesn't have that many more ideas for how to proceed either. ]
That may be the best option that you've got, for the moment. The only suggestion I can make is more hands on deck, if the amount is the problem.
I don't suppose that you can borrow a mage to drag around, can you?
[ Ha, ha. Jokes aside, the conundrum is something that Barnaby takes seriously. He thinks about it for a moment, though in the end he doesn't have that many more ideas for how to proceed either. ]
That may be the best option that you've got, for the moment. The only suggestion I can make is more hands on deck, if the amount is the problem.
[ the quickest answer would have been an obvious no, it's right on the tip of his tongue, but something holds him back. a memory from months ago, the very last time he got upset when people teased him about his relationship with barnaby, of how he felt like it wasn't fair to his own wife.
what vriska told him that day is the only thing he can think of that might count as an answer to sturmhond's question. at least, it's the closest way he can describe how he feels about his partner. ]
I don't know, but— Vriska told me about a word that just made a lot of sense to me. [ a beat. ] To us, the closest thing it meant was soulmates.
[ it's not in a romantic sense, at least, kotetsu doesn't think it is, but it fits them, one way or another. if anyone had asked him earlier on, years before, he would have answered differently. the two of them differed from each other in leaps and bounds that there was no way he'd even come close to thinking about barnaby in that way. that's changed by now. he thought about it long enough that he knows now that it's just how they've always been once their rhythms followed the same beat. ]
what vriska told him that day is the only thing he can think of that might count as an answer to sturmhond's question. at least, it's the closest way he can describe how he feels about his partner. ]
I don't know, but— Vriska told me about a word that just made a lot of sense to me. [ a beat. ] To us, the closest thing it meant was soulmates.
[ it's not in a romantic sense, at least, kotetsu doesn't think it is, but it fits them, one way or another. if anyone had asked him earlier on, years before, he would have answered differently. the two of them differed from each other in leaps and bounds that there was no way he'd even come close to thinking about barnaby in that way. that's changed by now. he thought about it long enough that he knows now that it's just how they've always been once their rhythms followed the same beat. ]
Would it matter if she did? [ He sounds a little harsh but there is a cocktail of feeling brewing in his chest. He should not have told his friend this. It will mar him in his esteem, he is sure of it. ]
Neither of us can go back, I am well aware of that. But forward is just as dark and tangled. We will never be settled. [ She would not have him killed. Not again. He knows that now. But she hates him just as much as he does her.
It's unfortunate that love is stronger. ]
Neither of us can go back, I am well aware of that. But forward is just as dark and tangled. We will never be settled. [ She would not have him killed. Not again. He knows that now. But she hates him just as much as he does her.
It's unfortunate that love is stronger. ]
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