[ the quickest answer would have been an obvious no, it's right on the tip of his tongue, but something holds him back. a memory from months ago, the very last time he got upset when people teased him about his relationship with barnaby, of how he felt like it wasn't fair to his own wife.
what vriska told him that day is the only thing he can think of that might count as an answer to sturmhond's question. at least, it's the closest way he can describe how he feels about his partner. ]
I don't know, but— Vriska told me about a word that just made a lot of sense to me. [ a beat. ] To us, the closest thing it meant was soulmates.
[ it's not in a romantic sense, at least, kotetsu doesn't think it is, but it fits them, one way or another. if anyone had asked him earlier on, years before, he would have answered differently. the two of them differed from each other in leaps and bounds that there was no way he'd even come close to thinking about barnaby in that way. that's changed by now. he thought about it long enough that he knows now that it's just how they've always been once their rhythms followed the same beat. ]
[ Soulmates tend to be romantic in nature. At least, they are in Sturmhond's experience - or, more accurately, in the romantic sense of the world. It's not particularly something that he believes in, that there's one person meant for every other person. Saints, if he believed that he'd have given up on Alina months ago. ]
Vriska sees quite clearly, I think.
[ She's an intelligent girl. She's also one of the people who'd upset Barnaby, but in fairness, it had been for good reason.
Sturmhond shifts slightly, wanting to keep this topic on Kotetsu. ]
I'm asking about your feelings, Kotetsu, not how your friends interpret them.
[ that seems to catch kotetsu off-guard, but then he thinks about it. what about his feelings? didn't he already say the answer? and then it slowly hits him, gears turning little by little. ]
I care about him a lot, but not in the way you're trying to get at here. [ a beat. ] I love my wife. I always will. I guess if anything, how I feel about Bunny is almost at the same level.
But he's my partner.
[ it's two completely different things, in his eyes. ]
With Barnaby, it’s obvious that there’s feelings there. It always was, but Barnaby always insisted that Kotetsu wouldn’t feel the same. Maybe he’s right. There’s nothing that can be done, if Kotetsu doesn’t feel the same way. ]
And that’s all you want him to be.
Tell me, Kotetsu. Have you been with anyone at all since your wife passed? I know that it’s been some time.
Nah. Haven't really thought about it, since she died.
[ tomoe is all he can think of, long after she's gone. all those moments spent saying goodbye to pictures smiling back at him, kissing the ring on his finger, looking up at the sky and wondering if she could hear him every time he talked to the stars—
she's all he can see, but then again, kotetsu has always been one-track minded when it comes down to it. ]
[ Sturmhond nods. That’s more or less what he expected. The emotions
around grief are tricky. It’s the same with Athos; he has to be careful
what he says. Old feelings are not so easily discarded. ]
It’s none of my business, really. But it seems to me that there comes a
time when the past has to stay in the past, otherwise there’s no moving
forward. If you spend all your time looking back, you don’t see what’s in
front of you.
Yes. As if he can't believe his luck, most likely. In fact, it might surprise him so much, you'd have to pick him off the ground before he gave you an answer.
[ No wonder he thinks you'll never ask him, Tiger. ]
[ nikolai, you are a saint. kotetsu might owe you a drink or ten once he clues in... many days later. at least kotetsu can kind of tell that maybe he should just say yes instead of angering the other man further. ]
Right, okay. I'll do that.
[ watch him forget. he still has no idea why he has to ask barnaby anything. it's not like this is the same situation with his wife and all, but hey. he'll understand later. much later. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
what vriska told him that day is the only thing he can think of that might count as an answer to sturmhond's question. at least, it's the closest way he can describe how he feels about his partner. ]
I don't know, but— Vriska told me about a word that just made a lot of sense to me. [ a beat. ] To us, the closest thing it meant was soulmates.
[ it's not in a romantic sense, at least, kotetsu doesn't think it is, but it fits them, one way or another. if anyone had asked him earlier on, years before, he would have answered differently. the two of them differed from each other in leaps and bounds that there was no way he'd even come close to thinking about barnaby in that way. that's changed by now. he thought about it long enough that he knows now that it's just how they've always been once their rhythms followed the same beat. ]
no subject
Vriska sees quite clearly, I think.
[ She's an intelligent girl. She's also one of the people who'd upset Barnaby, but in fairness, it had been for good reason.
Sturmhond shifts slightly, wanting to keep this topic on Kotetsu. ]
I'm asking about your feelings, Kotetsu, not how your friends interpret them.
no subject
I care about him a lot, but not in the way you're trying to get at here. [ a beat. ] I love my wife. I always will. I guess if anything, how I feel about Bunny is almost at the same level.
But he's my partner.
[ it's two completely different things, in his eyes. ]
no subject
With Barnaby, it’s obvious that there’s feelings there. It always was, but Barnaby always insisted that Kotetsu wouldn’t feel the same. Maybe he’s right. There’s nothing that can be done, if Kotetsu doesn’t feel the same way. ]
And that’s all you want him to be.
Tell me, Kotetsu. Have you been with anyone at all since your wife passed? I know that it’s been some time.
no subject
[ tomoe is all he can think of, long after she's gone. all those moments spent saying goodbye to pictures smiling back at him, kissing the ring on his finger, looking up at the sky and wondering if she could hear him every time he talked to the stars—
she's all he can see, but then again, kotetsu has always been one-track minded when it comes down to it. ]
no subject
[ Sturmhond nods. That’s more or less what he expected. The emotions around grief are tricky. It’s the same with Athos; he has to be careful what he says. Old feelings are not so easily discarded. ]
It’s none of my business, really. But it seems to me that there comes a time when the past has to stay in the past, otherwise there’s no moving forward. If you spend all your time looking back, you don’t see what’s in front of you.
Directly in front of you, in some cases.
no subject
What's directly in front of me that I'm supposed to be seeing here?
[ if you've ever wondered how dense he can be... well, here's your answer. ]
no subject
Tell me something, Kotetsu. How exactly did you know that your wife was in love with you?
no subject
'cause she said yes when I asked her out.
[ he is totally serious, too. ]
no subject
Sturmhond shakes his head. ]
So you asked the question and got your answer.
That's what you need to do with Barnaby. If he's not telling you what you want to know, you aren't asking the right question.
no subject
... What am I supposed to ask him, exactly?
no subject
[ Looking thoughtful, while he remembers. ]
Ask him 'out'. You'll have your answer.
no subject
[ if there's a way to have more question marks on his face, he needs to find it now. ]
no subject
He does sound frustrated, though. He couldn’t even have a tighter grip on emotional control, and you’re still starting to tax him. ]
Really, Kotetsu. Can you think of no reason at all?
no subject
Nope. Besides, even if I had a reason, I think that guy will just look at me funny.
[ he experienced the judgmental barnaby brooks jr. stare so many times that he's not looking to have a repeat of that any time soon. ]
no subject
Yes. As if he can't believe his luck, most likely. In fact, it might surprise him so much, you'd have to pick him off the ground before he gave you an answer.
[ No wonder he thinks you'll never ask him, Tiger. ]
no subject
If you knew that already, why'd you even ask me? Am I missing something here?
no subject
Quite a lot, actually. But it seems you won't take my meaning unless I spell it out, and I owe Barnaby better than that.
So: ask him. See what happens. Perhaps you'll even enjoy it, who knows.
no subject
Right, okay. I'll do that.
[ watch him forget. he still has no idea why he has to ask barnaby anything. it's not like this is the same situation with his wife and all, but hey. he'll understand later. much later. ]
no subject
Good. I hope you do.
[ Which he says, while steadfastly believing Kotetsu won't. It seems Barnaby was right about him, after all. ]