[ Why are you eating ice cream before steak? Who eats dessert first?
Not even questioning that now. He pours a glass of his lurid blue energy drink, and leans against one of the kitchen units. He looks up, calm and unconcerned. ]
We had an exercise in trust. It's still ongoing, if you're worried you missed it.
[for a brief moment, wesley was angry. he sort of liked barnaby, but really, barnaby was red. what kind of an idiot gets themselves killed on someone else's dime?
- which of course, was when wesley realizes, he just answered his question. he doesn't know if sturmhond knew barnaby and was testing him, which was likely because baku had mentioned vriska and noh-varr were friends. it didn't seem like barnaby would die at the drop of a hat to sturmhond if they didn't know each other well enough. wesley will subscribe to this.
(he's becoming the thing fox was warning him about, he should really shape up.)
there's something about this mission that pisses him off. fox would die - did die - for the creed. sloan would hold on to every chance he finds just to escape death. wesley was the same, if only because he wanted to die on his own terms. if that wasn't optional, he wanted to go down fighting. that was the only way that matters.
sturmhond telling him barnaby thought he was worth dying for was laughable. he didn't want to think low of barnaby, but there it was. he feels more exhausted than anything else, thinking about this. there's a dull anger at the back of his mind that he pushes away. he recognizes that potential beast for what it was, and it's not sturmhond's fault, though it's easier to see it that way.
and if barnaby was dead, then that means kotetsu was -
he sighs. today was going to be a lot longer than necessary. if there were that many deaths, maybe a list of those who died will be posted soon. in that same tone:]
Did you go to him because it'd be easy, or because you knew he'd understand?
[ Sturmhond watches Wesley while he reacts. Wesley has a quiet kind of emotion to him, but it's powerful all the same. Wesley's nowhere near as cold as he might seem to a stranger. He's full of feeling.
Anger, in this case. And anger often, actually, so it's not really a surprise.
The question is, and it leaves him gazing at the other man with a look as cold as steel. ]
Think what you will of me. That's your own concern, but do not imagine that killing a friend like him would ever be easy.
Ease wouldn't make it much of a test. You can hate what I did, but don't insult me. Not like that.
[he watches him as he eats his ice cream, noting his look. the simple dedication that fox had pursued him after his name came up in the loom was tedious and more than painful, but it was also flattering. then again, his definition of 'easy' probably needs working on.
but sturmhond's reaction is good enough for him, because he hates this pretend calm bullshit he does sometimes. he can see when it's necessary. he just doesn't think it's necessary now. and if it's a trust exercise, then barnaby thought he was worth it, which, well. he can't really see that, but he can respect that. maybe. given time.
at least it wasn't a case of him doing it just because it was orders and he wanted to pass. if that were the case, then he'd be at his throat now.]
... good. For a moment there, I was worried.
[he's not going to apologize, that's gonna sound shit rn and he's never good with it anyway. keeping his mouth shut seems like the better option.]
[ Sturmhond moves away from the kitchen again, back towards his bunk. He doesn't get in there again, but he stops beside it, and turns to face Wesley again. ]
I don't. I never have, but I do it when I have to.
I'm sorry about your friend, for what it's worth. He was mine as well. Both of them were.
[ Because if Wesley knew them at all, he'd have known how inseparable Tiger and Bunny were. He's a smart man. He'll have worked it out. ]
[wesley purses his mouth. 'enjoy killing'. if sturmhond did enjoy killing, it wouldn't matter to wesley because he's been with people who did enjoy the thrill of it, even if they were close acquaintances or friends. say what you will about sloan and the repairman and the butcher, but the way they approached life and the casual disposal of death was something that's been ingrained in him that in the end, whether one enjoys killing or not is really none of his business anymore. the only thing that matters is that it's been done with purpose.]
No. I was worried that you'd do it just because.
[and if that didn't make sense, or only did make sense in the vaguest of terms, he doesn't really care. but then sturmhond talks about tiger, and that makes wesley sad. genuinely sad. barnaby he can see being pragmatic about things. tiger would turn it into something to be done out of duty and something noble. the more callous side of him wants to say that that's pathetic, but he can't really do much about kotetsu. if he wanted to live, he would've said no.
he misses fox. he really does.]
Kotetsu .... well. It's not like he'd let Barnaby do this shit by himself. [he'll go back to eating ice cream again.] Is there gonna be a funeral? I think a whole bunch of people died. I know Orange dug some graves, but apparently that's not for the Blue thing, so I don't know.
[ Orange are digging graves. Sturmhond doesn’t outwardly react, but
inwardly he suppresses a shudder. That’s macabre. He hadn’t expected it;
the bodies of the dead have always been dealt with by the CDC, in the past.
What’s the idea, that they would bury their friends on a planet they’re
plotting to destroy? They deserve better than that. ]
Our orders were to bring the bodies to Mother. I know nothing more than
that.
[ But he looks up, then, studying Wesley. ]
If you want my opinion, I should hope not. Their bodies don’t belong here.
I would like to see them returned to their worlds, and to their families,
where possible.
[ Kotetsu in particular. He’d had a daughter. His body should not be
left to Ajna’s snow and then atomised along with the planet. He doesn’t
know what Orange are doing, but he hopes Wesley is wrong. Time will tell,
he supposes. ]
Dead people usually mean funerals. It's a ritual, [wes points out.] We don't have to leave 'em here, but if the CDC can gank us from their worlds, they can certainly shove anyone back home. And afford a funeral. Why they won't do that is beyond me -
- though I'm not sure that'd work. Dead or not, their contracts aren't finished. [ajna's still standing, isn't it?] Dagger's been here for centuries, same with Gliese I think. [something to ponder about, now that they're gradually moving away from the subject of their deaths. he's not sure about the other instructors, but he knows that most of them have had centuries on them in their service to the CDC.] The skeleton crew are still working, and they're dead. Hell, they're fucking deader than anyone else, and they're still here. Killing someone is easy. Staying dead and ending your contract, I think, is another matter.
.... 'course they could've also extended their contracts. But I can't really think of a way that it's a-okay for the skellies.
[ Thank you for that, Wesley. Has he mentioned how glad he is that he knows you? Because he is so, so very glad. ]
For one thing, you don't know the skeletons are dead. They're aliens; they could be made that way.
And if you don't mind, I'd rather not think of Barnaby as some kind of reanimated entity, doomed to serve out eternity here.
[ He's going to like that thought even less in two days from now, when he's plagued with hallucinations of the man himself. He's changing this subject.
Well, minimally. ]
But at least that explains where David is. He borrowed my shovel. Perhaps you're right.
They're skeletons. [duh] And I'm obviously playing fast and loose with 'dead' here.
[he doesn't really have much of an impression of david. he comes from jack's world, he can easily tag him in his mind as someone who is more or less just as dramatic as jack. jack 2.0. or something.]
Warriorhead doesn't seem like the type to put his team on the rack for shits and giggles, though watch him prove me wrong. The missions for orange seem fairly out of harm's way; at least, what I've heard of them anyhow. [he starts tallying what he knows of the other instructors.] Armada's missions are fairly straightforward: build this, kill that, defend this. Dagger's shit is mostly 'we need this for reasons.'
[and he just shrugs right after.] Whatever. We'll get new recruits soon enough to fill out the empty ranks.
Which leaves you wondering why Blue were the killers, doesn’t it?
[ He’s eyeing Wesley with intent, now. That little description left out one of the teams, and identified Green and Red as operatives, of a sort. He lifts his shoulder. ]
Blue have a split. One side is medical. The other is strategic. Our missions are geared that way. Two to wrangle animals, which seems simple on the surface, but I think they were testing something more than that. I think they wanted to see how we would teach and train the bahari, and how we would keep the native species in line. Our field mission was geared towards problem solving and coordination, not combat. And now this. Choose someone we trust, and convince them to let us kill them, or convince them to kill us. It’s not about sacrifice, and it’s not about killing a mark. It’s about making doing what needs to be done, for the sake of the mission. Those are the choices one has to make if they expect to command.
[ His lip twitches. That’s what he thinks Blue is about, and it’s why their mission makes sense to him, and why he thinks they put him on Blue and not green. He’s not a soldier anymore. He’d been an officer, and then a fleet commander. He’s here for strategy, not field work. This mission has only made him more sure of that. ]
[wesley stares at him for a long while. he wonders if sturmhond knows how he sounds like he's so full of it. everyone needs to make that decision for themselves one way or another if they want to find a way to make it through shithole after shithole of alien planets in this goddamned universe, it's just a matter of figuring out when, and where; and hopefully, that they aren't just going to do it because someone promised - said - told them - it was the right thing. that for the sake of which is right, like reading binary codes woven into fabric and wondering which name you're going to read. whether he was blue or not really doesn't matter, though being in blue means he has more of a reason to take it seriously.
which is also one of the reasons why he's so annoyed about the damn thing. beyond people actually agreeing in exchange for - something. anything. there's an entire crew of people like him in this place. all wes has to do is to ask in order to find them. he feels exhausted when he thinks about this whole mission, and the people involved in it; like all things that stir wesley, that mostly involves him being angry. but he can't lash out in a small space like this because sturmhond is not fox, or the repairman, or pekwarsky. it'd be unfair to ask of him the same thing he had with these people, no matter how good of a person he is. it's really not worth it.
whatever.]
You're good for your damn team. Least there's no worries of a transfer in your future. [that's about as diplomatic as he can get without stoking some more memories inside of him and pissing himself off again. he goes back to finishing his ice cream.]
[ He thinks he's right. But Sturmhond always thinks he's right, so that's not remarkable. It could be that his interpretation isn't right at all, and he'll end up failing. Neheda hadn't given any indication.
If he's not right, then Barnaby died for nothing. That's not a thought he wants to countenance either way. ]
What would you have done? Honestly. Given the same choice, and with the same conditions. Someone you trust, that's what it had to be. Would you have pulled the trigger, or given them the gun?
That'd be difficult. Because the people I trust the most aren't here. [they're also dead.]
But I've talked to Kotetsu about this. If I were Blue, I'd kill someone. Shit's never gonna come to a point where someone's life is more important than me surviving. I got chewed up and spat out to get to where I am. Assholes are gonna have to pry my damn life out of my fist if they want me to die first.
[that time is long gone. and he can't imagine dying for someone, or killing someone because they're orders or because it's good for the crew. survival is the only mode of command he knows.
probably a good thing he transferred. he's gonna do fuck all in green as time goes by.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Heard you did fun shit with Blue. [rather dryly spoken as he prepares to eat ice cream, which he won't be sharing, thanks for not asking.]
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Not even questioning that now. He pours a glass of his lurid blue energy drink, and leans against one of the kitchen units. He looks up, calm and unconcerned. ]
We had an exercise in trust. It's still ongoing, if you're worried you missed it.
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Did you pass? [sturmhond didn't die. curious.]
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I'm not accustomed to failure.
[ He takes a drink, still watching Wesley. He doesn't wait for him to ask. ]
I killed Barnaby Brooks. I don't know if you know him. It was two days ago, but then, you have been rather indisposed.
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- which of course, was when wesley realizes, he just answered his question. he doesn't know if sturmhond knew barnaby and was testing him, which was likely because baku had mentioned vriska and noh-varr were friends. it didn't seem like barnaby would die at the drop of a hat to sturmhond if they didn't know each other well enough. wesley will subscribe to this.
(he's becoming the thing fox was warning him about, he should really shape up.)
there's something about this mission that pisses him off. fox would die - did die - for the creed. sloan would hold on to every chance he finds just to escape death. wesley was the same, if only because he wanted to die on his own terms. if that wasn't optional, he wanted to go down fighting. that was the only way that matters.
sturmhond telling him barnaby thought he was worth dying for was laughable. he didn't want to think low of barnaby, but there it was. he feels more exhausted than anything else, thinking about this. there's a dull anger at the back of his mind that he pushes away. he recognizes that potential beast for what it was, and it's not sturmhond's fault, though it's easier to see it that way.
and if barnaby was dead, then that means kotetsu was -
he sighs. today was going to be a lot longer than necessary. if there were that many deaths, maybe a list of those who died will be posted soon. in that same tone:]
Did you go to him because it'd be easy, or because you knew he'd understand?
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Anger, in this case. And anger often, actually, so it's not really a surprise.
The question is, and it leaves him gazing at the other man with a look as cold as steel. ]
Think what you will of me. That's your own concern, but do not imagine that killing a friend like him would ever be easy.
Ease wouldn't make it much of a test. You can hate what I did, but don't insult me. Not like that.
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but sturmhond's reaction is good enough for him, because he hates this pretend calm bullshit he does sometimes. he can see when it's necessary. he just doesn't think it's necessary now. and if it's a trust exercise, then barnaby thought he was worth it, which, well. he can't really see that, but he can respect that. maybe. given time.
at least it wasn't a case of him doing it just because it was orders and he wanted to pass. if that were the case, then he'd be at his throat now.]
... good. For a moment there, I was worried.
[he's not going to apologize, that's gonna sound shit rn and he's never good with it anyway. keeping his mouth shut seems like the better option.]
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[ Sturmhond moves away from the kitchen again, back towards his bunk. He doesn't get in there again, but he stops beside it, and turns to face Wesley again. ]
I don't. I never have, but I do it when I have to.
I'm sorry about your friend, for what it's worth. He was mine as well. Both of them were.
[ Because if Wesley knew them at all, he'd have known how inseparable Tiger and Bunny were. He's a smart man. He'll have worked it out. ]
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No. I was worried that you'd do it just because.
[and if that didn't make sense, or only did make sense in the vaguest of terms, he doesn't really care. but then sturmhond talks about tiger, and that makes wesley sad. genuinely sad. barnaby he can see being pragmatic about things. tiger would turn it into something to be done out of duty and something noble. the more callous side of him wants to say that that's pathetic, but he can't really do much about kotetsu. if he wanted to live, he would've said no.
he misses fox. he really does.]
Kotetsu .... well. It's not like he'd let Barnaby do this shit by himself. [he'll go back to eating ice cream again.] Is there gonna be a funeral? I think a whole bunch of people died. I know Orange dug some graves, but apparently that's not for the Blue thing, so I don't know.
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[ Orange are digging graves. Sturmhond doesn’t outwardly react, but inwardly he suppresses a shudder. That’s macabre. He hadn’t expected it; the bodies of the dead have always been dealt with by the CDC, in the past. What’s the idea, that they would bury their friends on a planet they’re plotting to destroy? They deserve better than that. ]
Our orders were to bring the bodies to Mother. I know nothing more than that.
[ But he looks up, then, studying Wesley. ]
If you want my opinion, I should hope not. Their bodies don’t belong here. I would like to see them returned to their worlds, and to their families, where possible.
[ Kotetsu in particular. He’d had a daughter. His body should not be left to Ajna’s snow and then atomised along with the planet. He doesn’t know what Orange are doing, but he hopes Wesley is wrong. Time will tell, he supposes. ]
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- though I'm not sure that'd work. Dead or not, their contracts aren't finished. [ajna's still standing, isn't it?] Dagger's been here for centuries, same with Gliese I think. [something to ponder about, now that they're gradually moving away from the subject of their deaths. he's not sure about the other instructors, but he knows that most of them have had centuries on them in their service to the CDC.] The skeleton crew are still working, and they're dead. Hell, they're fucking deader than anyone else, and they're still here. Killing someone is easy. Staying dead and ending your contract, I think, is another matter.
.... 'course they could've also extended their contracts. But I can't really think of a way that it's a-okay for the skellies.
[wesley gibson, bag of sunshine.]
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For one thing, you don't know the skeletons are dead. They're aliens; they could be made that way.
And if you don't mind, I'd rather not think of Barnaby as some kind of reanimated entity, doomed to serve out eternity here.
[ He's going to like that thought even less in two days from now, when he's plagued with hallucinations of the man himself. He's changing this subject.
Well, minimally. ]
But at least that explains where David is. He borrowed my shovel. Perhaps you're right.
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[he doesn't really have much of an impression of david. he comes from jack's world, he can easily tag him in his mind as someone who is more or less just as dramatic as jack. jack 2.0. or something.]
Warriorhead doesn't seem like the type to put his team on the rack for shits and giggles, though watch him prove me wrong. The missions for orange seem fairly out of harm's way; at least, what I've heard of them anyhow. [he starts tallying what he knows of the other instructors.] Armada's missions are fairly straightforward: build this, kill that, defend this. Dagger's shit is mostly 'we need this for reasons.'
[and he just shrugs right after.] Whatever. We'll get new recruits soon enough to fill out the empty ranks.
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[ He’s eyeing Wesley with intent, now. That little description left out one of the teams, and identified Green and Red as operatives, of a sort. He lifts his shoulder. ]
Blue have a split. One side is medical. The other is strategic. Our missions are geared that way. Two to wrangle animals, which seems simple on the surface, but I think they were testing something more than that. I think they wanted to see how we would teach and train the bahari, and how we would keep the native species in line. Our field mission was geared towards problem solving and coordination, not combat. And now this. Choose someone we trust, and convince them to let us kill them, or convince them to kill us. It’s not about sacrifice, and it’s not about killing a mark. It’s about making doing what needs to be done, for the sake of the mission. Those are the choices one has to make if they expect to command.
[ His lip twitches. That’s what he thinks Blue is about, and it’s why their mission makes sense to him, and why he thinks they put him on Blue and not green. He’s not a soldier anymore. He’d been an officer, and then a fleet commander. He’s here for strategy, not field work. This mission has only made him more sure of that. ]
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which is also one of the reasons why he's so annoyed about the damn thing. beyond people actually agreeing in exchange for - something. anything. there's an entire crew of people like him in this place. all wes has to do is to ask in order to find them. he feels exhausted when he thinks about this whole mission, and the people involved in it; like all things that stir wesley, that mostly involves him being angry. but he can't lash out in a small space like this because sturmhond is not fox, or the repairman, or pekwarsky. it'd be unfair to ask of him the same thing he had with these people, no matter how good of a person he is. it's really not worth it.
whatever.]
You're good for your damn team. Least there's no worries of a transfer in your future. [that's about as diplomatic as he can get without stoking some more memories inside of him and pissing himself off again. he goes back to finishing his ice cream.]
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[ He thinks he's right. But Sturmhond always thinks he's right, so that's not remarkable. It could be that his interpretation isn't right at all, and he'll end up failing. Neheda hadn't given any indication.
If he's not right, then Barnaby died for nothing. That's not a thought he wants to countenance either way. ]
What would you have done? Honestly. Given the same choice, and with the same conditions. Someone you trust, that's what it had to be. Would you have pulled the trigger, or given them the gun?
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But I've talked to Kotetsu about this. If I were Blue, I'd kill someone. Shit's never gonna come to a point where someone's life is more important than me surviving. I got chewed up and spat out to get to where I am. Assholes are gonna have to pry my damn life out of my fist if they want me to die first.
[that time is long gone. and he can't imagine dying for someone, or killing someone because they're orders or because it's good for the crew. survival is the only mode of command he knows.
probably a good thing he transferred. he's gonna do fuck all in green as time goes by.]
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I asked Athos the same question. He gave the opposite answer. Everyone's different.
I don't blame you. Everyone has their reasons, one way or the other.
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