[ She tips her chin up to look at him. For a moment she doesn't say anything, just watches him. What do Shadowhunters do? They fight. That's what they live and breathe for. But it's so much more than that and she doesn't exactly know where to start. ]
They protect people. [ She curls her fingers into her coat sleeves where they rest like fists. ] They're ... protectors. They stop the bad things from hurting good people. They're -- [ She thinks of Jace and his mocking, carefree smile, Isabelle and her wicked eyes, Alec and his responsibility. Her shoulders drop. ]
Fuck, they're soldiers. All right? [ Throwing her hands up. ] Pretty much trained from birth soldiers. But I'm not. I've only known them for a few months. Maybe they meant to pick up someone else, because I can't do what they can.
And in the meantime, you can follow your orders, so that you have a hope f seeing them again.
[ His eyebrows lifts, and he glances out towards the snow. ]
Look at this world. You pity what we have to do here. Do you pity it more than you care for your own world? If you're a protector, how are you to protect your world when it's gone?
To save my world I have to destroy others. [ She says it with a hollow, humourless laugh. ] Because someone woke up one day and decided that hey, this planet should really be blown to pieces. No explanations, no reasons. Just do it, right?
[ Her frown deepens, mouth an unhappy slash against her pale face. ] Why can't I save both? [ Curling her arms around her chest. ] I should be able to save both.
[ Shaking her head then, a sharp jut of her chin. ] Korol's getting antsy.
What I think is right is punching Dagger in his stupid non-face. [ She lets him lead her and almost smiles at the way Korol gets up to return his journey. Really, they should have spelt it out because a space cat is making her feel bad that her emotions are getting in the way of the clearly important hunting. ]
It's not like I wanted to get my ass handed to me. [ She glances up at him for a moment then scuffs her CDC issue boot into the snow. Sneakers aren't exactly great for this terrain. ]
I guess I'm just scared. [ It's honest but her voice is level. ] What if I do what they say and I come out of this and I'm not me anymore? I know that's selfish. I'm protecting my home. But killing for a living, destroying something that's kind of beautiful. That's someone I never wanted to be.
[ It's not the same, he knows that. But he lifts an eyebrow at her all the same. If it's the violence she objects to, she can't put the blame for that entirely on the CDC. ]
Clary, I don't call it ideal. When so much is at stake you never is. There isn't always an easy choice between good and evil. Not every enemy you meet is the incarnation of darkness.
[ Ironic, actually. Since Sturmhond's enemy actually is. ]
Sometimes it's necessary to compromise. You have to harden yourself to things you don't like doing, in order to save the thing that's most important. We'd all like it if those complications didn't exist, but that's not how it is. Not in any world. Not for the CDC, and not for Shadowhunters. You'll see.
Maybe I just wish I knew who the enemy was. [ She shrugs her shoulder. ] I don't like not knowing.
[ There's so much of her future at stake here and she doesn't know who to fight, isn't sure what direction to turn in. It's hard enough knowing that all of this is inevitable anyway. He's right. She won't survive without giving in. ]
[ She lifts a fist and knocks it lightly on his bicep. ] I like you.
I mean, you're kind of scary worldly and half the time I think you just like throwing eight hundred words at me to confuse me, but. [ A small, shy grin. ] You're okay. For a pirate.
[ He's been firm, but not harsh. Maybe someone like that is what she needed. For a moment she can't help thinking of Luke. ]
[ He laughs. In some ways, she reminds him very much of Alina - but Alina as he'd first known her, when she'd been on the Volksvolny and still thought Sturmhond was his real name.
Strange, how that's all come around again. ]
Privateer.
[ He can't help it. But it does make him smile. ]
But you'd be amazed how often I hear that. Now, shall we? We can't let Korol have all the fun.
[ Her eyebrows actually climb into her hair at that. ] You do know we're not actually also space dragon cat things, right? [ Blowing out a breath. ] Do they even have names?
[ It feels better now, a lightness in her chest that wasn't there before and a smile that is edging out every second. ]
I don't want to shoot Bambi! [ But he's still guiding her and she's still following because there's no reason not to. The tension has gone from her body and she's seeing him in a new light. He's put her at ease somehow. ]
You said you had to go on mission tomorrow. I thought we were just walking around!
We're not going to shoot Bambi. [ He has no idea what a Bambi is. Though at the rate they're going, they're not going to shoot anything. She'll scare off all the prey. ]
And I do have a mission, but tomorrow is tomorrow. You don't expect me to sit dawdling until then, do you?
[ He shoots a grin at her, and cocks his head towards the trees. ]
Now come on, and keep your voice down. The codja might hear you.
Fine, fine. [ Her voice at least has dropped to a hush, instinct taking over. She hasn't tried anything like this since she got here. Hasn't even thought to tap into the power in her blood.
Maybe she should. ] I'll do the stupid hunt. But if I shoot you, you can't blame me okay?
[ She's about to make fun of him some more. But then she sees what he's pointing at and she stops. It seems innocent and for a moment she feels a twist in her stomach. But she wants to learn.
She raises her shoulders in a question. What now? ]
[ She'd brought her CDC issue gun with her when she'd agreed to go for a walk. Clary isn't necessarily a fan of all of the violence around here but she hadn't wanted to be caught out now. Which is why she reaches inside her coat for it.
Then Sturmhond is making her stand like a shooter and she can't be blamed if maybe she blushes just a little about it all. Just because she's shooting to kill doesn't mean she's dead inside. ]
If I do it wrong will you put it out of it's misery? [ She doesn't want it to suffer if she screws up. ]
[ He glances at her, seeing colour rise in her cheeks.
She's a Shadowhunter, but new to it. How many has she actually killed before? Any? And perhaps the things she would have to kill would be different from animals, anyway. He squeezes her shoulder. ]
[ She thinks of all the weapons that they'd had in the Institute. Not one of them had been a gun. Clary can't help but wonder if her power stops the minute she puts her fingers on the trigger. This is an animal, not a demon. It's done nothing to her and there's no reason she should kill it and yet the ghost of Dagger's punishment rattles in her veins and she narrows her eyes and looks at the Madu for a moment.
Breathing in slowly, Clary draws on every bit of strength she has inside her, tells herself it's this or death, and let's her breath out. She squeezes the trigger and fires, her arm being forced back by the recoil. It hits and she feels a thrill of something, though she's not sure what to name her feeling.
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They protect people. [ She curls her fingers into her coat sleeves where they rest like fists. ] They're ... protectors. They stop the bad things from hurting good people. They're -- [ She thinks of Jace and his mocking, carefree smile, Isabelle and her wicked eyes, Alec and his responsibility. Her shoulders drop. ]
Fuck, they're soldiers. All right? [ Throwing her hands up. ] Pretty much trained from birth soldiers. But I'm not. I've only known them for a few months. Maybe they meant to pick up someone else, because I can't do what they can.
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And in the meantime, you can follow your orders, so that you have a hope f seeing them again.
[ His eyebrows lifts, and he glances out towards the snow. ]
Look at this world. You pity what we have to do here. Do you pity it more than you care for your own world? If you're a protector, how are you to protect your world when it's gone?
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[ Her frown deepens, mouth an unhappy slash against her pale face. ] Why can't I save both? [ Curling her arms around her chest. ] I should be able to save both.
[ Shaking her head then, a sharp jut of her chin. ] Korol's getting antsy.
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[ He glances at Korol. The bahari has sat down in the snow, watching them with an air of exaggerated patience.
Yes, all right. He gets the message. Gently, he tugs at Clary's hand again. ]
You must do what you think is right, Clary. I would rather not see you suffer when there is no need.
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I bet you think I'm an idiot.
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[ She'll gain it, in time. He thinks that much. She'll gain it on her own, or they'll force her like they did with Simon.
And despite not knowing what exactly that had been, he still doesn't want her to face it.
Korol stops, suddenly, and turns to look at him. He nods. ]
All right. Go. You can hunt.
[ The bahari leaps into the trees, disappearing from sight, and he looks at Clary again. ]
I don't want to see you harmed, Clary.
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I guess I'm just scared. [ It's honest but her voice is level. ] What if I do what they say and I come out of this and I'm not me anymore? I know that's selfish. I'm protecting my home. But killing for a living, destroying something that's kind of beautiful. That's someone I never wanted to be.
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[ It's not the same, he knows that. But he lifts an eyebrow at her all the same. If it's the violence she objects to, she can't put the blame for that entirely on the CDC. ]
Clary, I don't call it ideal. When so much is at stake you never is. There isn't always an easy choice between good and evil. Not every enemy you meet is the incarnation of darkness.
[ Ironic, actually. Since Sturmhond's enemy actually is. ]
Sometimes it's necessary to compromise. You have to harden yourself to things you don't like doing, in order to save the thing that's most important. We'd all like it if those complications didn't exist, but that's not how it is. Not in any world. Not for the CDC, and not for Shadowhunters. You'll see.
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[ There's so much of her future at stake here and she doesn't know who to fight, isn't sure what direction to turn in. It's hard enough knowing that all of this is inevitable anyway. He's right. She won't survive without giving in. ]
You sound used to crap like this. Are you?
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[ He lifts an eyebrow. Of course he's used to that. He rolls one shoulder in an approximation of a shrug. ]
A privateer learns to press any advantage, even when it's not to his liking. I've made difficult choices before.
It doesn't mean I'll enjoy them. But I'll make them. Yes.
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I mean, you're kind of scary worldly and half the time I think you just like throwing eight hundred words at me to confuse me, but. [ A small, shy grin. ] You're okay. For a pirate.
[ He's been firm, but not harsh. Maybe someone like that is what she needed. For a moment she can't help thinking of Luke. ]
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Strange, how that's all come around again. ]
Privateer.
[ He can't help it. But it does make him smile. ]
But you'd be amazed how often I hear that. Now, shall we? We can't let Korol have all the fun.
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[ Her eyebrows actually climb into her hair at that. ] You do know we're not actually also space dragon cat things, right? [ Blowing out a breath. ] Do they even have names?
[ It feels better now, a lightness in her chest that wasn't there before and a smile that is edging out every second. ]
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[ He looks amused. Why did she think they'd come? He had promised to teach her, after all. ]
Of course we're hunting. They're called bahari, and they make excellent companions for this.
What better way to teach you how to shoot?
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You said you had to go on mission tomorrow. I thought we were just walking around!
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And I do have a mission, but tomorrow is tomorrow. You don't expect me to sit dawdling until then, do you?
[ He shoots a grin at her, and cocks his head towards the trees. ]
Now come on, and keep your voice down. The codja might hear you.
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Fine, fine. [ Her voice at least has dropped to a hush, instinct taking over. She hasn't tried anything like this since she got here. Hasn't even thought to tap into the power in her blood.
Maybe she should. ] I'll do the stupid hunt. But if I shoot you, you can't blame me okay?
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[ He sounds like he's joking.
He's probably not joking.
He leads her around, until Korol is in sight again. His eyes are on something small, fast and furry on the ground. A furlix. ]
He's fond of those. Let's leave him to that, shall we? I don't think a target as small as that would be good for your first attempt.
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[ She offers him a grin because really, she's pretty much useless to anyone who's not a Shadowhunter. ]
I guess I could try and learn before you bleed out though. I wouldn't want Korol to be sad.
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Any scars I come away with will be on your head. Must you so openly attack my vanity? It's very fragile.
[ No it isn't.
He stops her, though, putting a hand on her arm and pointing up ahead.
One of those delightful rabbit-mouse things is there, nosing at the ground. ]
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She raises her shoulders in a question. What now? ]
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Try to relax. A cleaner blow is kinder. Keep your arms steady, and remember the gun will kick back when you pull the trigger. Support it.
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Then Sturmhond is making her stand like a shooter and she can't be blamed if maybe she blushes just a little about it all. Just because she's shooting to kill doesn't mean she's dead inside. ]
If I do it wrong will you put it out of it's misery? [ She doesn't want it to suffer if she screws up. ]
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She's a Shadowhunter, but new to it. How many has she actually killed before? Any? And perhaps the things she would have to kill would be different from animals, anyway. He squeezes her shoulder. ]
I promise.
Try to relax, you'll be all right.
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Breathing in slowly, Clary draws on every bit of strength she has inside her, tells herself it's this or death, and let's her breath out. She squeezes the trigger and fires, her arm being forced back by the recoil. It hits and she feels a thrill of something, though she's not sure what to name her feeling.
In a whisper. ] Did I kill it?