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FROM: sun.aeryn@cdc.org
Unless the CDC tells me otherwise I lack the authority to send you anywhere.
[Which is Aeryn-speak for she wouldn't anyway.]
But if you want to help train the recruits most likely to die with Peacekeeper training that will keep them breathing a bit longer, I'd suggest you complete the lead evaluation.
FROM: sun.aeryn@cdc.org
And during downtime you can call me whatever you like or ask me to treat you like a companion rather than a comrade. Or if you fail the exam or change your mind and decide to bow out entirely. I would forgive you for being a
What's the word? Quitter?
Unless the CDC tells me otherwise I lack the authority to send you anywhere.
[Which is Aeryn-speak for she wouldn't anyway.]
But if you want to help train the recruits most likely to die with Peacekeeper training that will keep them breathing a bit longer, I'd suggest you complete the lead evaluation.
FROM: sun.aeryn@cdc.org
And during downtime you can call me whatever you like or ask me to treat you like a companion rather than a comrade. Or if you fail the exam or change your mind and decide to bow out entirely. I would forgive you for being a
What's the word? Quitter?
[ He ducks his head, the ghost of a soft and almost sad smile echoing in his mouth and eyes. ] I'm aware. But as I said, once I was in the position. I am no longer.
[ Her necklace is lost to some poor beggar's pocket, or trampled under carriage tracks. He is not sure and he tries not to think about it. Or of her. Thinking of her feels like courting her re-emergence. ]
[ Her necklace is lost to some poor beggar's pocket, or trampled under carriage tracks. He is not sure and he tries not to think about it. Or of her. Thinking of her feels like courting her re-emergence. ]
[ He tops up Sturmhond's glass with the ease of someone well suited to quiet intimacy between friends. This is where he flourishes, when he is not forced to put on a public mask of warning, when he only needs to be himself in the company of someone he trusts. ] I'm better suited to dry land, Monsieur. [ He doubts that is all there is to Sturmhond's leadership. But their conversation remains one of polite pretending and he doesn't mind it so much. ] But there is no doubt I would have been honoured to call you my Captain.
Yeah. And that's how I'm going to learn to notice when people lie. [ She looks up at him with a sigh. ] I could read every single file of the people here. But I'm not like you. I can't keep a billion things straight in my head all the time. I'd fuck up. I'd rather just ... be normal. This is the only thing I can be normal about here.
They're skeletons. [duh] And I'm obviously playing fast and loose with 'dead' here.
[he doesn't really have much of an impression of david. he comes from jack's world, he can easily tag him in his mind as someone who is more or less just as dramatic as jack. jack 2.0. or something.]
Warriorhead doesn't seem like the type to put his team on the rack for shits and giggles, though watch him prove me wrong. The missions for orange seem fairly out of harm's way; at least, what I've heard of them anyhow. [he starts tallying what he knows of the other instructors.] Armada's missions are fairly straightforward: build this, kill that, defend this. Dagger's shit is mostly 'we need this for reasons.'
[and he just shrugs right after.] Whatever. We'll get new recruits soon enough to fill out the empty ranks.
[he doesn't really have much of an impression of david. he comes from jack's world, he can easily tag him in his mind as someone who is more or less just as dramatic as jack. jack 2.0. or something.]
Warriorhead doesn't seem like the type to put his team on the rack for shits and giggles, though watch him prove me wrong. The missions for orange seem fairly out of harm's way; at least, what I've heard of them anyhow. [he starts tallying what he knows of the other instructors.] Armada's missions are fairly straightforward: build this, kill that, defend this. Dagger's shit is mostly 'we need this for reasons.'
[and he just shrugs right after.] Whatever. We'll get new recruits soon enough to fill out the empty ranks.
You can’t be normal here. This is not a normal place, not for you. It’s removed from your world, and you must move with it if you expect to survive.
[ He knows that’s harsh. But he thinks it needs to be said. He still worries about how strong her moral stance is, and how many steps it prevents her from taking. She has Alina’s good spirit, but lacks her pragmatism. That’s something Alina learned with experience, though. Clary will have to learn it too. ]
You wear your heart on your sleeve. It makes you a good person. But bury it, Clary. Bury your feelings, and don’t be led by them, because there is no place for mercy here. Trust me. Better a shielded heart than a broken one.
[ Too tired to think about it.
If only.
If only he could stop hearing the echo of Banagher's words 'Killing something in so much despair just felt too cruel, could stop hearing the echo of gunshots through the trees. If only he could stop feeling the weight of dead bodies in his hands as he transported friends back to Neheda in their body bags.
For now, he finished building the tower and sat up. ]
It'll come.
[ He said simply, motioning towards the tower in an unspoken invitation for Sturmhond to join him for a game, if he wished. ]
If only.
If only he could stop hearing the echo of Banagher's words 'Killing something in so much despair just felt too cruel, could stop hearing the echo of gunshots through the trees. If only he could stop feeling the weight of dead bodies in his hands as he transported friends back to Neheda in their body bags.
For now, he finished building the tower and sat up. ]
It'll come.
[ He said simply, motioning towards the tower in an unspoken invitation for Sturmhond to join him for a game, if he wished. ]
[ He does. Korol isn’t overly happy about this either way, but he does lift his paw to let Sturmhond ink it. The resulting paw print is a little messy, but it’s readable. He writes Korol’s name at the bottom of the page, and gives the whole lot back to Sasuke. ]
There. Does that satisfy you?
There. Does that satisfy you?
[ He’s dealing with a lot of things that wouldn’t even come close to making him laugh today, but that does. ]
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
I’m not known for quitting or failing, as it happens. So very well, commander. What are your rules?
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
Doing harm to other recruits is generally frowned upon. I take it you’d prefer I avoid inflicting any permanent damage.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
And just to make sure – not that I doubt your integrity in the least – but are the instructors aware of these tests, or are we operating off the record?
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
I’m not known for quitting or failing, as it happens. So very well, commander. What are your rules?
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
Doing harm to other recruits is generally frowned upon. I take it you’d prefer I avoid inflicting any permanent damage.
FROM: sturmhond@cdc.org
And just to make sure – not that I doubt your integrity in the least – but are the instructors aware of these tests, or are we operating off the record?
[ The question of dry land makes Sturmhond’s eyebrows lift just a fraction, amused. He tips his glass and then drinks from it, savouring the taste. ]
The land, the sea, the air. I see no real difference between them. I have the impression that is where our worlds differ, Athos.
The land, the sea, the air. I see no real difference between them. I have the impression that is where our worlds differ, Athos.
Which leaves you wondering why Blue were the killers, doesn’t it?
[ He’s eyeing Wesley with intent, now. That little description left out one of the teams, and identified Green and Red as operatives, of a sort. He lifts his shoulder. ]
Blue have a split. One side is medical. The other is strategic. Our missions are geared that way. Two to wrangle animals, which seems simple on the surface, but I think they were testing something more than that. I think they wanted to see how we would teach and train the bahari, and how we would keep the native species in line. Our field mission was geared towards problem solving and coordination, not combat. And now this. Choose someone we trust, and convince them to let us kill them, or convince them to kill us. It’s not about sacrifice, and it’s not about killing a mark. It’s about making doing what needs to be done, for the sake of the mission. Those are the choices one has to make if they expect to command.
[ His lip twitches. That’s what he thinks Blue is about, and it’s why their mission makes sense to him, and why he thinks they put him on Blue and not green. He’s not a soldier anymore. He’d been an officer, and then a fleet commander. He’s here for strategy, not field work. This mission has only made him more sure of that. ]
[ He’s eyeing Wesley with intent, now. That little description left out one of the teams, and identified Green and Red as operatives, of a sort. He lifts his shoulder. ]
Blue have a split. One side is medical. The other is strategic. Our missions are geared that way. Two to wrangle animals, which seems simple on the surface, but I think they were testing something more than that. I think they wanted to see how we would teach and train the bahari, and how we would keep the native species in line. Our field mission was geared towards problem solving and coordination, not combat. And now this. Choose someone we trust, and convince them to let us kill them, or convince them to kill us. It’s not about sacrifice, and it’s not about killing a mark. It’s about making doing what needs to be done, for the sake of the mission. Those are the choices one has to make if they expect to command.
[ His lip twitches. That’s what he thinks Blue is about, and it’s why their mission makes sense to him, and why he thinks they put him on Blue and not green. He’s not a soldier anymore. He’d been an officer, and then a fleet commander. He’s here for strategy, not field work. This mission has only made him more sure of that. ]
[ Not soon enough, Sturmhond thinks. Not here, when they have to work all the time, when there's always another mission.
But death weighs heavy. He knows that. He's not immune to it. It's why he always acts as though there's no weight on his shoulders. He has to make it true, somehow.
Letting the burden be seen doesn't help to take it away.
He moves onto the floor across from Adrien and starts building the tower back up. ]
You don't drink.
[ Because for him, that had helped. He'd not have slept without it the first night. ]
Is there a reason?
But death weighs heavy. He knows that. He's not immune to it. It's why he always acts as though there's no weight on his shoulders. He has to make it true, somehow.
Letting the burden be seen doesn't help to take it away.
He moves onto the floor across from Adrien and starts building the tower back up. ]
You don't drink.
[ Because for him, that had helped. He'd not have slept without it the first night. ]
Is there a reason?
[ Letting Sturmhond work on finishing up the tower, Adrien glanced up sharply at the statement.
Least he forget that Sturmhond was an observant bastard, the man was often very good at reminding him of the fact at odd times. Almost immediately, he looked back down at the structure, deliberately hiding his own expression and the silence that passed after the question was lengthy.
The doctor didn't talk about himself. He'd been asked questions now and then but when it came to personal matters, he avoided them. Sturmhond, had a habit of making a pointed statement, following it by a question. It made it more difficult to avoid.
At least, not without shutting down the conversation completely and whether he acknowledged the word or not, the privateer was too much of a friend for blatant rudeness. ]
I don't.
[ He acknowledged, reaching to delicately tap a stick into line ... still stalling because it was hard to say the next words. ]
After my sister died... [ no, that statement never got easier, even after all these years ] I hit the bottle pretty hard. Especially when my father died not long after.
It got to the point where I needed to drink, rather than wanted to drink. The Castrensis was strict on the subject of needs and wants. It was okay to want something, that was natural, but when it turned into a need, it became a liability.
[ That rule was across the board. Whether it be alcohol ... friends ... lovers. ]
So I quit.
Least he forget that Sturmhond was an observant bastard, the man was often very good at reminding him of the fact at odd times. Almost immediately, he looked back down at the structure, deliberately hiding his own expression and the silence that passed after the question was lengthy.
The doctor didn't talk about himself. He'd been asked questions now and then but when it came to personal matters, he avoided them. Sturmhond, had a habit of making a pointed statement, following it by a question. It made it more difficult to avoid.
At least, not without shutting down the conversation completely and whether he acknowledged the word or not, the privateer was too much of a friend for blatant rudeness. ]
I don't.
[ He acknowledged, reaching to delicately tap a stick into line ... still stalling because it was hard to say the next words. ]
After my sister died... [ no, that statement never got easier, even after all these years ] I hit the bottle pretty hard. Especially when my father died not long after.
It got to the point where I needed to drink, rather than wanted to drink. The Castrensis was strict on the subject of needs and wants. It was okay to want something, that was natural, but when it turned into a need, it became a liability.
[ That rule was across the board. Whether it be alcohol ... friends ... lovers. ]
So I quit.
Edited 2014-10-10 23:41 (UTC)
I'm not the one that has to be satisfied. I'm just the one collecting them.
[He prefers to think of this like one of the occasionally ridiculous missions he'd be given as a genin.
Sasuke takes the items back calmly.]
... I appreciate your time.
[A thanks, rare as it is. As these people seem to find them more important than he does.]
[He prefers to think of this like one of the occasionally ridiculous missions he'd be given as a genin.
Sasuke takes the items back calmly.]
... I appreciate your time.
[A thanks, rare as it is. As these people seem to find them more important than he does.]
[ With a quiet grin. ] You're only coming to that conclusion now? [ Sipping at his own drink. ] It wasn't even the predisposition for flight that clued me in. It was the reckless way you threw yourself in to dismantling everything in this rover. You're comfortable around the instruments. Whereas I still struggle to use the ... [ A pause as a furrow appears between his brows, his mouth working over the word with a concentration. ] Microwave.
[ He can still burn anything he puts inside it. Which is probably why he goes to the bonfire to heat things up when he's alone. ]
[ He can still burn anything he puts inside it. Which is probably why he goes to the bonfire to heat things up when he's alone. ]
A long story. [ He lifts his eyes to ceiling, heavenward as though to compose himself. ] I was given a second chance.
[ His sword at her throat and his friends at his back. It could have ended so differently. ] And I was strong enough then to make a different decision. But the particulars aren't what was important. I don't think I could have walked away without the support of my brothers. [ He was saving himself, yes, but only because they had saved him already. ]
[ His sword at her throat and his friends at his back. It could have ended so differently. ] And I was strong enough then to make a different decision. But the particulars aren't what was important. I don't think I could have walked away without the support of my brothers. [ He was saving himself, yes, but only because they had saved him already. ]
[ At first Sturmhond thinks he's not going to answer. He wouldn't really blame Adrien for that. More often than not, he'll avoid personal questions himself. But it had seemed notable to him that Adrien hadn't wanted to drink, after what he'd already been through. Especially since he wasn't able to sleep.
This is a reason he can understand, though. Dependencies are to be avoided. That's no bad thing. ]
I'm sorry.
[ About Adrien's sister. And his father. It's not easy to lose family, particularly when you're close to them. ]
Everyone needs to find their way through it. There is no rule for dealing with grief.
[ He puts the last block on the tower and leans back, pensive. ]
What Banagher asked of you. Is it too much? Tell me, if it is. I know you, Adrien. You can't use up all your strength supporting everyone else.
This is a reason he can understand, though. Dependencies are to be avoided. That's no bad thing. ]
I'm sorry.
[ About Adrien's sister. And his father. It's not easy to lose family, particularly when you're close to them. ]
Everyone needs to find their way through it. There is no rule for dealing with grief.
[ He puts the last block on the tower and leans back, pensive. ]
What Banagher asked of you. Is it too much? Tell me, if it is. I know you, Adrien. You can't use up all your strength supporting everyone else.
[ She's quiet all throughout his little speech, her frown growing more and more pronounced. It's not like she doesn't understand what he means, she gets it, she does. But this isn't her. Because Clary has always been a mass of feelings. People can see it, her anger, her love, her fear, it's always right at the forefront and she's never really know how to be sly. Valentine was. But Jocelyn has always told her to be open.
Eventually she sighs. ] I should have watched more spy films before I got here. [ A pause. ] I'm not sure how I'm going to be what you think I should.
Eventually she sighs. ] I should have watched more spy films before I got here. [ A pause. ] I'm not sure how I'm going to be what you think I should.
[wesley stares at him for a long while. he wonders if sturmhond knows how he sounds like he's so full of it. everyone needs to make that decision for themselves one way or another if they want to find a way to make it through shithole after shithole of alien planets in this goddamned universe, it's just a matter of figuring out when, and where; and hopefully, that they aren't just going to do it because someone promised - said - told them - it was the right thing. that for the sake of which is right, like reading binary codes woven into fabric and wondering which name you're going to read. whether he was blue or not really doesn't matter, though being in blue means he has more of a reason to take it seriously.
which is also one of the reasons why he's so annoyed about the damn thing. beyond people actually agreeing in exchange for - something. anything. there's an entire crew of people like him in this place. all wes has to do is to ask in order to find them. he feels exhausted when he thinks about this whole mission, and the people involved in it; like all things that stir wesley, that mostly involves him being angry. but he can't lash out in a small space like this because sturmhond is not fox, or the repairman, or pekwarsky. it'd be unfair to ask of him the same thing he had with these people, no matter how good of a person he is. it's really not worth it.
whatever.]
You're good for your damn team. Least there's no worries of a transfer in your future. [that's about as diplomatic as he can get without stoking some more memories inside of him and pissing himself off again. he goes back to finishing his ice cream.]
which is also one of the reasons why he's so annoyed about the damn thing. beyond people actually agreeing in exchange for - something. anything. there's an entire crew of people like him in this place. all wes has to do is to ask in order to find them. he feels exhausted when he thinks about this whole mission, and the people involved in it; like all things that stir wesley, that mostly involves him being angry. but he can't lash out in a small space like this because sturmhond is not fox, or the repairman, or pekwarsky. it'd be unfair to ask of him the same thing he had with these people, no matter how good of a person he is. it's really not worth it.
whatever.]
You're good for your damn team. Least there's no worries of a transfer in your future. [that's about as diplomatic as he can get without stoking some more memories inside of him and pissing himself off again. he goes back to finishing his ice cream.]
[ With all the sticks in place, Adrien reached out and gently squeezed each side, making sure they were even. Then, he sat and pensively studied the structure before reaching to nudge loose the first piece. ]
It's too much to ask Banagher to kill someone else in what is effectively cold blood. I don't know if he could do it.
[ There is a nuance in his tone. The statement is not meant to cast disparaging light on Banagher's ability to get a job done but something else. At this point there are so many lies of omission, what's one more?
Getting the stick pulled free, he sat back and looked at Sturmhond, frowning slightly.]
I can do this for Banagher. You focus on yourself and Alina.
[ Speaking of supporting others; you two.
And yes, for the time being the more personal subjects of his family and grief, were shelved.]
It's too much to ask Banagher to kill someone else in what is effectively cold blood. I don't know if he could do it.
[ There is a nuance in his tone. The statement is not meant to cast disparaging light on Banagher's ability to get a job done but something else. At this point there are so many lies of omission, what's one more?
Getting the stick pulled free, he sat back and looked at Sturmhond, frowning slightly.]
I can do this for Banagher. You focus on yourself and Alina.
[ Speaking of supporting others; you two.
And yes, for the time being the more personal subjects of his family and grief, were shelved.]
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